Finding the Real Cambodia

Stepping off China Southern Airlines after a 40-hour journey, you think I’d be happy, excited even, to have finally arrived on Cambodian soil. But, truthfully, all I could think about was the hot air and how wrong my choice in leggings was. After a quick visa process and a new stamp in my passport from the Khmer man with a 6-inch long fingernail, I set outside to find my personal tuk-tuk.

I was so happy with myself that I had arranged a ride with the hostel ahead of time. No worries about getting ripped off by airport transportation, or so I thought. Outside I was already dripping with sweat as I paced the line of drivers searching for my name. None of the writing these men were holding appeared close to mine. After 30 minutes of countless offers, and my constant rejection thinking the next tuk-tuk riding through would call my name, I finally conceded to a $7 taxi ride into town. And I was terrified, unsure of the safety in leaving my luggage in the back, unsure if this man would take me to the right place. You see, in the last country I traveled the airport transfer was a complete horror story. So I was already imagining the worst. And 10 minutes into my journey to Siem Reap, the Khmer driver stopped the car in the middle of a 40-mile-per-hour highway and took off the taxi sign. My heart began to hiccup.

But I arrived safely, slightly disheveled, not only from the negative thoughts rambling through my head, but also from my first ride on Cambodian grounds. There is no driving policy here. Motos overtake cars, cars overtake trucks, and there is no such thing as the right lane. People are driving all over the place.

But don’t you worry, my travel woes were completely reversed upon arrival to The Siem Reap Hostel. The staff apologized endlessly about the lack of transport (it was the New Year and their driver was running late), and they had me stay the night for free. I went straight to the bar for a cold rum and Coke and was greeted by a group of Aussie guys. I immediately remembered why I love hostels: the international culture. In my single day visit I spoke with Australians, a beauty from Chile, and a well-traveled Canadian. Sharing stories and learning Southeast Asia’s true gems filled my nighttime, while cheap massages, chanting with monks, and guided tours around town absorbed my afternoon.

The next morning I was off to the Hariharalaya Retreat, outside of the city of Siem Reap and into the countryside. I entered the gates, walked through the front door, and my ears were immediately filled with happiness. The YouTube station “The Sound You Need” was playing in the background, and if you know anything about my affinity to instrumental beats, you will know how at peace I felt. There was no doubt in my mind- I was in the right place.

This retreat is meant for the mindful traveler, who wants a break from the adventure routine, who is ready to find home in the ohm. The routine is pretty consistent with yoga, meditation, dharma talks, karma yoga work, and delicious vegan meals. Karma yoga is different from the asana practice; it’s beyond the poses and dives into selfless work such as cleaning or working in the garden. Once in a while there are extra classes, like a magic show, a Thai massage workshop, or a discussion on sustainable beauty and how to protect our skin through plant-based products. It’s all very interesting and I find myself constantly engaged.

Karma Yoga 

I arrived on a Thursday and began to find my place within, what I like to call, a yoga camp of internationals. This retreat is always completely booked, with some visitors here for 10-days and others here as students for over a month stay. We come from all over the world: Canada, France, Denmark, Germany, Australia, Scotland, Ireland, Sweden, South Africa, the Netherlands, Spain, the UK, the US, and I’m sure I’m missing more. It’s an eclectic mix and most people are here for the same reason: to take a moment to breathe.

But at the same time, it’s not meant for everyone. I see some people struggling to stay here for 10 days. Some people leave. Some people go into depression having to change their eating and drinking patterns. It’s a place of detox, and that is a process within itself. Recently some of the new arrivals have been so attached to their phones and social media. We only have one computer at the retreat- no WIFI. I’ve only used the Internet for a sum total of one hour in the week that I’ve been here- which includes checking in with my parents, booking future travels, and posting this blog. It’s been great for me to disconnect, but I guess not everyone is prepared to do so.

So I thought I’d share with you some overall lessons I’ve learned at my half-way point of getting in touch with my mind-body-soul connection.

Attachment- Guests are in a constant flow of arrival and departure here. And I find myself making pretty deep connections with some people, who end up leaving days later. Within the past few days I’ve had to say goodbye to some pretty amazing friends.

            I sought the advice of some of the long-term guests and staff to understand how they handle this sort of grief. The response was a consistent, “I don’t let myself get attached.” I really didn’t like that answer. It seems so cold and distant to keep yourself from building connections with people that are easy to talk to, vibe with you, get your individual sense of humor. I get it, to save yourself from heartbreak, don’t give away your heart. But my time here is glittered with memories of sticking my tongue out at Bebe during meditation, the hysterical story behind my nickname Pollo, and tandem bike rides to the village market. Without these shared moments this experience would be very bland.

            So I’ve realized that I love to love. And I am finally finding truth in the saying, “Put yourself in the fire, it’s okay to get burned.”

Grievances- How many times have you connected your reactions to your external environment? Do you ever blame a bad day on the hectic traffic? Or being tired on that professors extremely long lecture?

            Well, I’ve come to notice here, where there are few external factors to blame my behavior on, that our body goes through a natural ebb and flow. Some days you have more energy than others. Some days you are more emotional than others. It’s that simple. And it doesn’t always need justification. When you are feeling low, no longer attribute it to something else, just accept it as the way you are.

Mindfulness- This whole yoga thing isn’t completely new to me. I’ve been practicing for almost six years, but I’ve only been really in it for the past year or so. And the biggest lesson I’ve been learning is to stay present. To stay in the moment. To get out of the head, the mind chatter that likes to tell your story of yesterday or tomorrow. And it’s not easy. But conversations are more beneficial, food is more delicious, the rain is more blissful when I keep myself in the here and now.

            One day I was here I let myself leave Siem Reap, I put myself back into American life. And emotions that have nothing to do with this place stirred up inside me. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad. So I took a moment to bring myself back. I took a bike ride and a Khmer woman said, “Where your shoes”, and the school children raced after me saying “Hi Hi, Bye Bye”. And just like that I was happy again. And I remembered how important it is to stay in this vibration right here, right now.

Airports

Waiting in line to check my luggage in DC and the traveler in front of me is frantically talking to the airline agent. She is on a flight, but doesn’t have a seat. She doesn’t understand. She’s so confused. I can feel the stress radiating off of her. And I send out positive intentions for her. And I see the possibility of frustrating travel circumstances, and I think “I’m lucky.”

My bags are checked in with ease. And I have a seat on my flight. My backpack might feel like a rock, and I jumble holding way too many items in one hand. But all is good. I am lucky.

I soon board my flight to LA. People are all disheveled as they try to find their seat and scope out overhead luggage space. And I realize I should probably just put mine below my seat. And the man next to me looks me in the eyes and says, “breathe.” One simple word: Breathe. Nothing else.

And instead of thinking in my head, “don’t tell me what to do.” I realize that I’ve forgotten to breathe. The last proper inhale and exhale sequence I had was days earlier in the midst of the Blue Ridge Mountains. So I hug all my shit before I organize it below my legs and take a nice deep breath. And I smile at the stranger who reminded me the most important thing of all. That I am a living being. That no matter what, it all comes back to the breath.

It all becomes simple again. The way it’s supposed to be.

And I'm Off (Again)

I've quit my jobs. I've subleased my apartment. I've saved money.

I've suited up my backpack. I've kissed my brothers goodbye. I've got my passport in hand.

And I've done all these things before. Putting together Nora the Explora isn't something new.

But something is different about this adventure.

Because I've got this feeling I'm not coming back. For a while, at least. I'm ready to get lost in streets I don't know by name. To find difficulty in simple tasks like grocery shopping. I'm looking forward to not understanding everything people say. To the use of hand gestures and reading strangers expressions. I'm excited to breathe in the life of simplicity. To rummaging in my backpack for only a few clothing options- the true necessities.

And it's scary and completely normal at the same time. To give up this life of exorbitance for something bigger, something better? At least, something different.

Because I've been living a pretty easy life. My routine in Charleston, South Carolina has been a dream. Waking up to sailboats cruising by, playing with children in the woods, flowing on my yoga mat with like-minded individuals, getting my hands dirty gleaning vegetables, laying by my hotel pool of choice soaking in the rays, paddling out to Shem Creek, sinking my feet in the sand at Folly. And although I can say that life was pure bliss, there was always something missing- the challenge, the unknown.

And so that's what I am seeking. To drop the bullshit of daily woes and put myself in the middle of the fire. Yes, I might get burned. Truthfully, I hope I do. Really, how is strength built without challenge?

Because I want to make an impression on this planet. But, I've got to figure out who I am before I can do that. And as of yet, all I know is that I am an explorer. An adventurer. A dreamer. A lover of all cultures, of all people, poor and rich, fat and skinny, old and young- who gives a fuck, I love us all.

And without seeing the whole world, beyond the small, tiny, select privileged world I come from, how am I supposed to learn how to change it? How to change myself? Because we could all use some changing.

So the moment is now. It's really happening y'all.

 {off to Cambodia}